Hey everyone! This past week, I’ve been in a bad stomach flare. Throwing up, nauseous, stomach pain, cramping. I’ve not been eating much. But I’m slowly getting better. Feeling sicker has made me have to slow down even more. I become completely depleted of energy where I can barely move. And in those frozen moments comes frustration, anger, and disappointment.
I’ve noticed when times get harder though, somehow I connect with God on a more personal level. It’s amazing how that works. I think it’s because when struggles hit, we realIze how much we desperately need God to get through. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 reminds us that when we are weak, then we are strong. So I can’t help but thank God for my weaknesses. They are not what I want, but they are what I need. They are a gift.
Spending time with God the past couple of years has been a lot harder. I used to spend hours in my Bible each day (which was partially due to OCD lol). But my point is I truly don’t have enough in me to spend the amount of time that I want with God. I have put myself down often about this too. I’ve battled with these thoughts that I’m just not a good enough Christian. But the honest truth is that sometimes I can’t spend time with God and have to do the limited. I just try to read a few verses and say some small prayers. And when those days happen, I’ve had to learn that is enough. The little things in life and faith is sometimes all that we can do. Our bodies and minds let us down, they go through a lot and it is important to prioritize rest. And God respects that, He wants for us to take care of ourselves. It may seem like weakness but it’s actually strength to find those moments with God in the midst of struggle. Real strength is following the will of God and giving Him glory despite hardships.
For example, last Thursday, when I felt the worst, reading the Bible or praying felt impossible. I was laying in bed and thought badly of myself for not being able to. But then I decided to put some worship music on, not expecting anything. A special song came on, one that broke my heart and made me start crying. I was so exhausted but yet somehow I felt God’s presence so strongly. I felt a sense of ease, like everything was gonna be okay. I was unable to sleep but was thankful for that because I just kept listening to music and singing along. I finally felt like I could fully breath in so deeply. Like nothing else mattered in this world. It’s in finding those special moments with God like this that really makes a difference. You could spend hours with God each day but if your heart is not really into it for the right reasons, it can be worthless. Planning time with God is good but it’s those unplanned times where I feel God so deeply that are so special to me.
I feel that spending time with God is about quality over quantity. It is better to have a deep personal quiet time with God, then trying to push more standards and overdo and feel overwhelmed. That’s not what God wants for us. He wants us to rest in His presence, and let Him take care of every part. He wants us to trust that He’s fully in control. It’s such a blessing to have that certainty of His promises and His constant availability.
The King of Kings wants to spend time with you. Even the small moments are worth so much. Out of love, He made that choice from death on the cross, to even our every day details. Jesus’ love is an anchor and so incredibly real. He already has all things figured out. We can give our full surrender. We can learn to say that is enough and trust God with the rest.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
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